Listen, Pinot Grigio got me pregnant. It can get you a boyfriend.
What's the protocol on showing a video of me sucking the life out of my ex in order to prove beyond a doubt that I give great head???
I hope to God 2011 is the year I stop loving tequila.
Why doesn't he get that I would rather give him blow jobs than be in a relationship?
The nurse who handed me my discharge papers underlined and highlighted do not consume alcohol while on my painkiller its like she knows me.
I'm not considering your visit a success until we've fucked every cock in the ethnic rainbow...between the four of us we should have it done by x-mas
Being a slave to ur dick is exhausting.
You tried to ride his dick and fell off. Then tried to ride the floor. That's why he hasn't called back
PS: bike ride of shame at 7am includes riding by kids waiting for the school bus #classy
Fortunatly we found him, he was on my roof. Unfortunatly, we can't say the same for his pants. Still looking. BRB.
You texted him 17 times. Asking for him back and sending random pictures of Jimmy Buffett. He didn't answer.
Taking a shit in a Texas 7/11... not accepting phone calls now lol
Dude, A DAMN CHEESEBURGER HIT ME IN THE FACE!!! WTF was i suppoused to do!?.
Turns out the grown up version of seeing your teacher shopping is seeing your therapist is on tinder
You just sent a mass text asking if anyone ever drank the blood of a goat in the glorious name of Satan...after that we confiscated any writing utensil
Randomize
