so evidently yelling "gay" everytime your bf tells you how he feels is cause for breakup. news to me
Nakedness is not a toga. Just sayin
you lied vaginas dont taste like gold fish!
noo i said youre golden if her vagina tastes like fish!
please tell me that the half empty jar of cocktail sauce on the table has nothing to do with my missing seamonkeys
The more I hate his personality, the more I love his penis.
I don't care. I'm going to fuck John's friend and it's all your fault.
Wait time out. Did I start last night with pants?
Using his name makes it all too personal. I refuse to get attached to this one. This is all about ass. He doesn't get a name.
Hey, just wanted to let you know that University Police stopped by and repossessed the stolen laundry basket. And the 8 bottles of detergent.
i cannot be the only guy who has bought the every day with rachael ray magazine for use as porn
Don't ask me how, but I have a squirrel in my backpack and I don't know what to do with it.
My arms are still sore. Apparently, lube wrestling is the best workout ever.
I hate political talk. I just wanna get fucked into an alternate universe where Bernie Sanders is president.
THERE ARE SO MANY HOT DADS AT WHOLE FOODS
My head is bruised from having sex in the backseat of an explorer last night.
Randomize
