no one will drink with you if you continue to listen to beyonce
Everything was going good until she wanted to update her status...You forgot to close pterodactyl porn from this morning. Clothes went back on.
i cleaned out my closet and found 7 beers from 2007. ive had 3 so far.
I think I left my camera at your house. It would be in both of our best interests if you don't go through the pics.
Found a 10-can wizard staff hidden in our closet. Did we cut someone off?
That's yours. We cut you off.
Triple a is towing cars for free tonight and tomorrow night. Can we take advantage of this ?
You are a booty call, not a friend.
I would like you to know I am eating your apology chocolate, which means i forgive you for puking everywhere before formal
I have to stop letting him stay all weekend. I feel like a cored apple.
I love how my phone automatically capitalizes Margarita. R-e-s-p-e-c-t.
I just connected with one of your drug dealers on LinkedIn.
There aren't enough words in the English language to fully describe how worried I am for your dick. And the rest of you, I suppose.
After the day I've had, I can't decide if donuts or fireball would be the appropriate priority.
I was just dry heaving outside of the Chem building when a guided tour walked by. Welcome to the Maritimes kids...
yeah the highlight of my day was the 911 operator telling me they had frantically been trying to figure out where i was
Randomize
