fuck, i think i'm broken. Alchyhol air mattress = the suck.
does the new i-phone have a pregnancy test app?
don't leave me alone with all the disney princess sluts
whenever music plays i find myself always doing kegels to the beat. its like the new foot-tapping
Trying to guess which perfume the stripper was wearing based on my bf's clothes
and my attempt at hiding my drunkness from my parents included walking into the wall as soon as they let me into the house.
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK FUCKABLE IN AN ALL NEON SPANDEX JUMPSUIT?
I'm not about to serve this country to fuckin not have rum and cheezits for breakfast
Did you catch one of my beer pong balls in your cleavage or was that a dream?
God gave me a talent besides one night stands. I feel like I should use it
No more going to class sober.. Tried it for a day or two, its just not for me
I’m almost positive this girl is drinking a mojito in class right now, if so she’s my new hero
He had the same tone in his voice and look in his eyes that he gets when he says UFOs aren't real.
You're either getting fucked or a coupon to Friendly's. I haven't decided yet.
I came home in someone else's underwear this morning
Atleast you got a souvenir
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