no, no I am DEF NOT pregnant. typo. sorry, wanted to talk about us...
god damn woman. you are like the herpes of drunk texting. you never go away.
Lady came into work yesterday. Full on stache and beard. I've never concentrated on making eye contact harder in my life.
So I'm really hungover walking to work and these douches from comcast on bikes ask if they can take a picture with me to show that they're doing their job. The picture: me, this chick from comcast, i'm holding a 2 ft. pixie stick, a comcast flyer and i'm puking in the parking lot. sounds like their doing a good job!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The more I look at him the more I wonder why anyone would ever want any of his features to be a part of their childs face.
She is singing the swedish chef song and throwing utensils. I love this place
I'm studying for my midterm by watching porn with Spanish subtitles. Surprisingly the words are still really distracting..
just found out they live across the street from coke dealers... rethinking the new years resolution
he was very distressed by my statements that there could have been balls on shoulders without awareness
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I may have to steal the boat sober, but I feel that would be harder to explain.
you know it's a good party when the fucking floor caves in. THE FUCKING FLOOR.
He offered me free drinks all night if I could beat him in a drinking race. I blacked out after that but just found his credit card in my bra so there's that.
Cats are difficult to handle. Also they are impossible to baptize.
So you just held his hand and he fucking came...?
My boobs are too perky to pay that much for a car
Randomize