A big part of growing up is learning how to tastefully stare at women
Dude im not sure whos apartment i woke up in but i just showered here and their shampoo in phenomenal
I wish Michael J Fox could read me bedtime stories
He could rock you to sleep
then she stuck her tongue in my ass
I thought we were talking about reason you aren't going to marry her?
I'm still trying to decide if it's a complement when he said "I'd like to subscribe to your daddy issues".
I think all I remember saying is, "I love Chris Berman's voice" and then I passed out
The nursing school interview showed me a picture of my passed out during your party. They asked if this was a frquent thing. I told them you drugged me.
I'm watching a man in drag spread food products on his face my life is spiraling out of control.
My aunt comes over, haven't seen her in 4 years. First thing, looks me up and down and goes "...yup, that pair ripened nicely. Theyll get you some free drinks"
I think you were raised by the wrong sister
He even wore it to bed. What the hell. He's too excited about that goddamn costume.
I thanked him for the booty call offer but told him I'd rather just do it myself
We could put on there: "Drink jager bombs and do stupid shit faster, with more energy!"
How does a face ride mean we're back together?
There is a huge fucking spider in my bathroom....I can just burn our apartment down right? What do you need me to grab?
I do not recommend playing football on LSD like at all
Randomize
