Halfway through banging her I realized that she was playing a sex playlist on her iPod...first time actually having sex to R.Kelly's "bump and grind"
I never thought I would say this but I have to clean queso off my vibrator
No. Her boobs are the one spot of warmth in my life right now and I will not let you take them from me.
do you think if she looks enough like a dude i have to come out to my parents?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I also was calling every child by their name "Birthcontrol" - straight people are fun
I take it that, because we are not guzzling a box of franzia, everything went alright?
I got Pilsbury cinnamon rolls for us to have tomorrow, but I don't have the willpower to leave them in my fridge overnight, so I am eating them all and getting us more in the morning
I love you more by the minute
Sorry I couldn't reference you in my facebook quote. I will redirect any likes and comments straight to my blowjob efforts this week.
Good. Sleepy. In the middle of a pregnancy scare. The usual.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Yeah! Don't let me leave the house without marijuana and a juicer.
Serious concern: will TSA confiscate my bondage rope?
He was so drunk we almost didn't even make it to his place because he didn't know where he lived
OF COURSE I FUCKED HIM! Did you not read the part about him having red and green Christmas condoms?
it's like my eyeball is being humped by my eyelid
It's nice doing the walk of shame at 530 am, the birds are chirping, campus is empty, and it's dark so noone can see who the Fuck you are
Randomize
