put your butt on the phone this is a booty call
matt is drinking blue powerade and it looks like he has hypothermia. i can't take this kid anywhere.
we are driving next to a guy driving and masturbating while looking at a naked magazine. I love LA
Thats about the time I should have known you would run around naked and try to make out with my sleeping mother
Wow, you know I need to stop drinking alone when I pour my drink into my hand and offer it to my dog,
dude my 8 year old cousin is allowed to drink wine coolers. as long as its infront of my aunt. wtf
all i remember is that her bootyshorts said 'shameless' and that there was no turning back.
Also I legit had a girl at my bar crying tonight saying to her friend "why did he have to take his top off ?"
Hamster emergency. Can u come in here
Is there a greeting card for "I can't keep being The Other Woman"?
i think my cat just said my name.
Take home message: SPERM IS EVIL AND SHOULD NEVER EVER EVER BE ALLOWED UP ONE'S NOSE.
My early Valentine's Day one night stand just took an uber home. Thank you, technology, for letting me enjoy this day in peace. 😍
It's a charity event and she's wearing a cocktail dress drinking a 40... I found my future wife
And it only took a fake engagement ring, a condom and a bowl of weed
Randomize
