sometimes i wish i was able to text my cat and tell him i miss him and that i'm thinking about him
My balls are about to become a huge part of your mouth's life
You got off, kissed my dick and whispered "stay hard" to it, puked and then got right back on top of me like nothing happened...
You know you're a nerd when you lose track of how many times you've gotten turned on watching Glee.
I dont think punching her boob is the type of reverse psychology that will get her to blow you.
You couldn't stand up so I took you home, took off your makeup, put you to bed then shaved off your eyebrows. I so nearly won the responsible adult prize.
I'm questioning the dried chocolate syrup on my tits.
i was gonna fuck her but then she started eatin sushi from her purse. i really need to raise my standards
He just showed me a video of his erect penis moving to the beet of the music when he was high, I think I'm in love.
You sent me snap chats of you guys having sex. Like plural. It was like flip book porn, I'm traumatized.
I think the last straw was when you put on ice skates to go across the waxed wooden floor.
Prob because you've thrown up alot. As long as its not like pure blood you're fine. Drink water.
I fucking hate tequila. Tequila makes me hate pants.
I'm sorry your Amazon says buttplugs now
Relationship goals: we both wore red underwear tonight. Except he won’t know because my bra been off but it’s the thought that counts I guess.
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