Crown is evil. It plays hide and seek with my morals
I took an adderall but just ended up meticulously arranging my farmville for hours
He said they were doing a skit in class apparently someone else is dressed like a horse. Ive never felt more proned to skipping class than now
She said that I needed to "pregame her so it can slip right in."
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I gave you head at the stadium on a Thursday night ESPN game. That damn well better be worth points on the score board!!!
But life is now good. Well, not good, good would be not wearing the penis hat with the extended family of the boy I just cheated on, but as good as it's going to get today
The Supreme Court upheld health insurance. If that's not an excuse to get hospital drunk, I don't know what is.
No. I'm drinking straight up vodka right now. With a pineapple in it.
That'll put some boobs in that bra.
I put my hydrocodone prescription in my cereal box its like real lucky charms
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
When my parents ask if I met any nice guys in California, I'm going to answer, "No, but I have gone home with alot of nice girls". Too much, too soon?
My boyfriend's brother just got out of jail and he is already telling us to steal cable. Dude.
He made me tacos after the sex. Best date ever!
That awkward moment when you realize that last night you walked from in n out to petco, bought a mouse for $3, named it mogar, taught it how to skateboard on a techdeck, made it a home out of a trash can, fed it fruity pebbles and cheese, and then forgot where you left it.
We need a kiddie pool and lots of cornstarch
You asked him if he would have sex with you under the dinosaur. He declined and then you started crying, blaming the sand.
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