So I was talking to her on the phone last night and had to mute it so I could take a crap.
Side Note: My mute button doesn't work.
If my vagina had boots, it would be shaking in them.
She called me Jeff during sex, I just kept going like nothing happened. To think, if I was a woman that would be a problem.
For the record, a bath beer is far superior to a shower beer...
ill give you the fast version. Hooked up with 17 year old coworker while housestting for my boss
I really hope jumping jacks prevent pregancy because I'm kind of banking on it right now, do you know why there's a unicycle in the corner of my room?
So what's today's forecast for the female rollercoaster you've been riding?
My dad found me naked curled up under a towel on the couch with a fucking tub of butter and a spoon. Ambien Mondays are dead
No it was good. I serenaded the holding cell occupants with a fabulous rendition of Making Love out of Nothing at all. It was fucking amazing!
I mean, on what planet are nipples suppose to look like that?
Did I fall on/off the boat yesterday? Cuz my right leg looks and feels like if it got hit by shrapnel.
Soooo we should kick it sometime when it's like light outside. Drink outta cups.. Be bitches. 7, 6, 3, 5.. 4, 2, 1... Sschhkiddaellladiieessscchk
I don't have time to shower before my passport photos...your cum is all over my hair...that's with me for 10 years now
I mean she did throw a tantrum because you wouldn't let her suck your dick
Ever look at an ex and wonder...was I drunk that entire relationship??
Yes, yes I do.
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