I left my keys in the garlic bread freezer in Publix.
The girls stopped by my apartment. They caught me naked with a nearly empty bottle of vodka in one hand, drawing crop circles in the carpet with the vacuum.
For some reason, Oliver from Hannah Montana reminds me of pudding.
That's cute.
We decided to go to McDs, but we only had a few minutes to make it to breakfast. We were sprinting full speed ahead when she tripped and you just yelled 'LEAVE HER' and kept your course.
This does no justice to the amount of paint I'm covered in or the amount of balls I'm tripping.
Well I could just do a roadtrip and hit them all. Slut tour 2012.
at first i was on the bathroom floor cuz i was hungover. now im just here because it is cool
when the washing machine is on all the beer bottles jiggle and clink against each other... "drink us drink us drink us"
New guy at the liquor store was inexplicably fascinated by our huge jug of williams. First he said what are you gonna mix THAT with? and looked confused when I said air.
I need vitamin water and Jesus :/
she used her teeth again, but this time it was out of love
Grateful to be alive soliciting dick pics. Thankful i'm alive for these little things and especially these big ones too.
MY MOM WALKED IN WHILE I WAS EATING THEM OUT AND STARTED ASKING US ABOUT THE PROJECT RUNWAY EPISODE WE WERE WATCHING EARLIER
On a scale of "huh, that's interesting" to "holy porn stars, batman". How good?
Definitely closer to "holy porn stars, batman".
I'm so hungry and so lazy that I'm seriously considering ripping into that packet of cream cheese in my nightstand.
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