Multitasking record: pooping whilst putting on shoes and cleaning ear with q-tip. All while texting.
Update: fell off toilet, one shoe on, q-tip still in ear. Not a pro.
so tomorrow. i'm thinking coinstar then adderall?
he just found out his girl is having a boy. he's probably googling "Ed Hardy diapers" as we speak.
Just saw a commercial bout this girl that lost 54 lbs on a taco bell diet. so thats my excuse.
I'm thinking of writing "I have herpes" on my stomach in sharpie that way I'm not tempted to show my tits tonight
He tipped the stripper with quarters. After that not even the waitress would talk to us. I had to move to another table to get a lapdance
I feel the need to point out that one of the items on my to-do list for the day is "don't throw up" I have no concept of normal
well shes beginning to earn a reputation as "the girl who tries to bone her hook ups in the ass with a pickle"
Imagine if you could have something so delicious, like your taste buds went on LSD while eating a chocolate tiramisu. That's the opposite of what cum tastes like.
So I found where you barfed in my house. Just wanted to let you know that my cat barfed on the kitchen floor in a show of solidarity
So I almost broadcasted the porn from my phone to the boardroom chrome cast
We aren't doing Shrooms tonight bc that would be friendship cheating on you
The last thing I remember is trying to chug the rest of the everclear, running through a fence, and laying down in the snow. I hurt.
I know her cup size but not her name....
That's nice of you to be concerned, but I'm pretty confident I'll marry someone 30 years older than me, ride out being the trophy wife for 10 or 15 years, then live large!
Randomize
