Is it wrong to beat off to a girl to determine if you like her or not?
Dude, I just spun my iPhone on my boner without it falling off. I belong in cirque du soleil.
Responsibility does not care about your dick.
Ummm so I just found the baby pumpkin that was on my porch last night in Village Pizza this morning on their counter. The cashier said some drunk girl came in and told him it was a present.
I'm still seeing blue. who wrote on my bare nipple?
fat people need to stop using the handicapped bathroom stall so I can have sex in it. it's common logic
Can we go out and do something semi fancy soon? I feel like wearing a dress and pretending to be an adult.
He ran over from the bar to give me more singles because the stripper was doing gymnastics on me. He is a really great friend, just probably not the best boyfriend.
I bet the guy on the treadmill next to me with the noise-canceling headphones wishes he could trade them for smell-canceling noseplugs. Hard to believe that last one did not involve any pants-shitting on my part.
But I did spend part of my morning scrubbing your cum off my grandmothers piano.
I just need some dick and some jimmy johns
Of the 4 nights I've gone downtown this week, I've been "piss in the parking lot" drunk 5 times
In my opinion the party was fun, but i did A LOT of cocaine so my view was a little distorted......
How did it feel to just observe all the people blacking out usually you're on the other end of things
I felt like I was at the zoo
Hey bro are you still alive??? I'm sure you are wondering how you ended up laying on the floor at the foot of your bed and why there is a wheelchair by your door....
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