I just realized i haven't had sex in 2009. oh man thats embarrassing.
Sorry I thought I was a lizard earlier.
she's doing push ups on the keg. hows a girl supposed to compete with that?
just saw bouncers outside a coffee shop. beginning to question humanity.
so i was dancing to the glee soundtrack with highheels. i tripped. and the dildo fell on my face. i dont know what happened.
I just realized I have my pepper spray, gun, and vibrator all in one drawer. One false grab and I'm screwed either way.
i don't understand how she was down there for so long, she's like a mermaid, a blowjob giving mermaid.
What's the wine called that we really like and we usually drink it with xanax?
Seriously, do normal people actually get work done being this hungover? No wonder the economy's in the shitter
im in the post action - pre consequence stage.
There is a midget in cheetah face paint on a leash here
My liver is preforming stress tests.
I just wiped cum off my face with baby wipes... #momlife
I'm literally trying to cool beer down right now in my car by putting it on my floor and blasting cold air on it
I didn't really break out of the friend zone, as much as I blasted the doors off with high explosives and rode through on a grizzly bear...
Randomize
