I feel like our bond as friends is a lot stronger now that I've talked to you on the phone while having sex.
What baked good do you think says thanks for being a great tutor, lets bang?
I feel like tequila heightens the sense of my nipples.
that girl from work that wants to bone me just said 'the last time i went this long without sex was in jail'. sup, red flag
The usual, bring face make up, I have a weird gash on my nose, probably from my one night stand
Currently shopping online for cardboard cutouts of various horror characters. That should teach me roommates to stop taking acid on Tuesdays.
Wow, nothing is more special than changing the channel and seeing the guy who groped you on Saturday night...
i'm exhausted. do you know how hard it is to put together an outfit that is professional enough to secure a babysitting job yet slutty enough to let him know i'm down for sex during naptime?
Let's just say that in a last ditch effort to avoid getting arrested I said to the cop "but I'm not even that drunk" and he proceeded to point out (in front of a crowd) that I had "fucking pissed my pants"
Oh, btw, UPS might come by. Drunk me ordered us $75 worth of gummy airhead starburst type candies. Whatever it is, it'll be delicious.
Doing shots with my high school valedictorian. Bucket list
I think my moral compass just broke
She was talking about how a garden gnome was hitting on her the whole night. We thought she was just that high, but turned out the gnome was that guy in the weird hat.
I would really like it if you guys got out of my bush
how do do this?
do what? Keep standing? Choose between 2 guys?
keep making boys cry?
Randomize
