There are just some things I refuse to put in my mouth.
those bitches were sniggering at my man-pris like they were goddesses of fashion!
...dude i pray you are quoting something, someone, anyone...
thank god random hookups don't end with college. happy birthday, america.
Jerking off has been your answer to everything tonight.
We had to introduce ourselves in ethics class. This guy stood up said I'm mark, I love sluts and Jack. Then just sat back down. Hero status.
Yeah. He can't come because his mom found the pizza box under his bed with my underwear in it. He acted confused, guess because i forgot to tell him..
Can I bring home a duck? Dead serious
sounds like it. if it makes you feel better i blew up a $75000 farm tractor last night.
there's a strong possibility i came on your eyeliner last night bathroom sex was unplanned and rather messy sorry
I had to physically pry the rocks out of your hands so you wouldn't throw them at the guy with the cowboy hat. You probably would've missed anyways.
I guess when I black out I feel that it's not inappropriate to grope my gf in front of her parents.... But hey at least I'm starting off 2013 single
Just sent my cousin to buy me a new bra cause mine is zip tied to a bar in the middle of nowhere Iowa
also. got fucked to usher last night. dunno if thats a new high or a new low
Was it at least a good usher song?
Would you paint my ceiling for oral sex?
It probably doesn't matter because I'm drunk...but I'm sorry for getting you drunk, having you almost lose your place to live, all your friends, permanently lose your liver functions, throwing up on my floor, losing virginity...etc...mostly I'm sorry for making you watch: cabin in the woods.
Randomize
