OKAY SO WHENEVER I SEE AN UGLY COUPLE I ALWAYS WONDER WHAT THEY SAY TO EACH OTHER IN BED. creepy?
i threw up in over 4 different places last night. it was like a world tour
there's paper in my vomit.
there is a ziplock bag over sangria in a wineglass in the fridge...classy?
i wonder what barack obama's brickbreaker high score is...
Note to self: never do anything I don't want to explain to a paramedic
just woke up in my car, in front of the bar. Took me 10 minutes to find my keys which were about 10 yards away in a bush. According to my phone records, I called my ex 14 times last night. Breakfast?
I just remembered that he had fake blood all over his face last night. I woke up with it all over my dick. He was 50. Please don't judge me.
I wonder what acid is like for a blind person... Can we find this out?
U should feel bad.. u r like a sex politician. All talk and no follow thru
My mom has had 5 shots of fireball today and she's still functioning normally... She's just extra polite.
I sense lesbianism
That's a weird power
Fucked him in a graveyard. Need plan b.
I had an awesome dream where you were a stegosaurus and I was a triceratops and we were hiding from a t-rex and had mad dino sex
New one isn't as good asmy ex. She won't put her tongue up my butt
Peter this is your "ex"
I stand by what i said
Randomize
