I'll pay for our taxi if you let me makeout with the drummer and we don't leave RIGHT when the bassist does.
I just single handedly caused ferngully by printing the wrong 900 page document
a drug dealer just gave me his business card. it had his face on it drinking a 40oz
Avril Lavigne as a judge on Idol wearing devil ears. it's like every boner you ever had in 2002 just came true.
she just came into my room, drunkenly shoved six dollars into my bra and told me to spend it on chicken wings.
Now have a vodka water and get your shit together
Goats are brash and offensive and cocky animals
Are you high and at a petting zoo again?
What has two arms, one testicle and no credit card debt? This guy.
And I feel bad.
Because we're having a serious discussion about our sex life and you're playing minecraft?
Ultimate Fighter Idea. You and I both have unprotected sex with the same girl in the spam of days. Whoever the child belongs to, wins and that child is the ultimate ultimate fighter.
How high are you?
LET US USE OUR GENITALS TO CELEBRATE THIS VICTORY
I just had the worst experience of my life, my grandma found my condoms.
Owwwww. Yeah. I can barely move unless Im high on vicodin. We are bad at drinking/balancing. We will be the first to break hips and have to go into a home.
If you bring home Chipotle tonight I'll give you an epic bj...ball play and all #datenight
Dude I pissed in her little brother's closet and when I tried to flush the doorknob her parents came out and saw me standing there naked, no more ambien for me
Randomize
