Just once id like a girl to say to me in the dracula voice, i want...to suck...your dick...
I did a mental Irish jig when he pulled out the second condom.
any advancement on the stomach flu vs. pregnancy scare of '10?
I tried really hard to get you laid last night. And by that I mean I asked a bunch of dudes if they were top or bottom.
gave you a haircut while you slept. Please don't kill me.
Well good for him for getting your number before he told you he had no money and needed you to pay for his drink!
Things you do not want to hear after sex: I almost lost my gum in your pussy. Really dude, don't share that with me!
In other news I may have fractured my masturbating arm
At least it wasn't your drinking arm
I found out his moms name, maiden name, profession, and office location, his dads name and profession, his home phone, picture of their house, all of his work profiles, and the cost of their house. All I'm trying to do is find his damn twitter
Last night you referred to my vagina as a gym for your penis
After an hour of searching for my pants, we had three people looking. They were finally found in the oven.
Pants are for mortals
Are you ok?!
I assume I've stopped bleeding because I haven't passed out, but can't verify currently.
I woke up under the stretchy sheet like the corners were still stuck under the bed. I had to wiggle the corners off in order to get up. I was trapped. how did that happen
Great, now I'm picturing myself as a fucking garden gnome
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