Just had sex in the basement of the library... I knew I was paying $120,000 for something more than a law degree
His apartment number was 69. I had to.
Also, new rule: You are no longer allowed to send me a text with the word "dildo" in it before 10am.
Might just stay in and drink cuz of the hurricane. Yea I think Wisconsin might be safe but its a good reason to drink.
I was only out of town for 1 week. His cell records show he texted 63 ex-gfs and hookups while I was gone. And 10 condoms are missing.
If I get there and all he has for my big valentines surprise is his body, I'm dumping his ass and posting his dirty pictures on a porn site so people can laugh at him.
I want to fuck the side burns off of Steve.
That's a good 5 hours of "I have no fucking idea what I did".
So I spent all night thinking my bed was floating down a river and telling the cats to get on the bed because they were going to float away. Percocet is strong shit.
He called my boobs fluffy. Part sexy part pilsbury dough boy. Part sexy pilsbury dough boy. I'm so confused. And flattered?
Life lesson: if a hot naked girl tells you to spit on something, you spit on it. No questions.
Just try not to have a boner when you're giving your best man speech, it will really kill the vibe
I don't think he knows you can have sex sober...
I’ve officially bought the ticket for my future dick appointment 😂
My brain is like a TV with 10 channels, 9 of them are static and the other one just plays that one Nagito Komaeda edit on loop 24/7
Randomize
