chick flicks and taylor swift songs are like porn for desperate singles
Jake died.
WTF????????? That's how you tell me????
Oops typo. Jake cried.
EVERY baby cries during their baptism. It's like they know from that moment on their parents are going to make them do lame things like their first communion and stuff.
Omg. Get me out of here. Someone is playing michelle branch.
im getting a BJ in a closet
and a penguin just handed me a bong
I just talked to a CEO of a fortune 500 company while pooping. I LOVE being self employed.
if by 'bottleservice' you mean 'bringing beers in my purse' then yes, we are.
Shit sorry. Maybe I wont give you this sweet ass fanny pack I found in my parents attic
Oh god I just realized bird face had che Guevara tattooed on her upper arm. Deals off, readivised opinion
It's like past high you was looking out for future high you by rolling that joint and leaving it in your coat pocket. What a Halloween miracle
It really went downhill when you started writing IOU on pieces of napkins. Giving them to the strippers
Real life dumb and dumber
direct quote from andrew "you know i can't hear when i drink whiskey"
Who the fuck gets injured on a merry-go-round? HOW IS IT POSSIBLE??
So, 'head before the store' turned into a fuck fest, & that's how I ended up at the grocery store smelling like a cum farm on Black Friday. How's your weekend?
It's official, I'm not staying in tonight
What caused that decision?
You only live once
Randomize
