You're going to have to start masturbating with your left hand. Or with someone's vagina
Todays outfit involves shorts with embroidered fish. This kids gonna die.
Imagine if sharks could walk on land...scary.
Those are some awfully high standards for someone of your weight
Sunday was the 8 month anniversary when you shot me in the face...just an FYI.
handjobs have no place on a baseball diamond
i'm drinking whiskey out of a ziplock bag in a movie theater. i'm THAT girl.
The moral of the story is do not hire me because everything will end up smelling like pickles and I will not sufficiently clean it up.
he fed me chocolate as I gave him a handjob. I felt like a princess.
Because if not I was going to quote Ryan Lochte as punishment
Thank god I got my shit together
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
That was awkward , having sex with her while her husband watched via Skype. I'm a porn star or a target. Idk
So you can now add nose to my list of places that cum has gone that it shouldn't...
Did you really think putting a napkin over your head would make you giving him a bj less obvious?
So my dad just asked, "did you leave without pants a lil bit ago?"
Randomize
