do girls know yet that the best boners are in the morning?
Never have I ever before welcomed her period with such enthusiasm. She was starting to pick out baby names. She got me "What to Expect When You're Expecting."
I'm 90% sure a girl here is wearing a bra strap as a headband.
My fight-or-flight response is really more fight-or-fuck
He was sitting cross legged outside his tent repeatedly hitting the ground with a hammer and shouting 'this.is.a.good.idea.'
I have Retrograde Ejaculation as a side effect from one of my meds. Is this a respectable form of birth control?
P.S. I just watched The Muppets. I feel like I just got a sadness enema.
Him cheating on his girlfriend resulted in a $1500 hospital bill from repeated blows to his testicles by my ass. They diagnosed his pain as "testicle trauma". Sex karma at it's finest.
I woke up with her dog licking the wedding cake out of my ear and her sister finishing our Jaeger
Can I bring home a duck? Dead serious
I made him an O's fan. One pic of my tits coming out of a Baltimore shirt and it was done.
You put your finger on my lips and told me 'the butt is nature's pocket'.
I don't remember that at all, but I stand by what I said
I ran into him drunk, barefoot, at rite aid and he said I looked "stunning." Yeah, Stunningly shitfaced haha
I forgot her safe word. It was a rough night.
I feel like ditching all logic and responsibility and get shit-faced before the week's over. Thoughts?
Randomize
