I am SOOO high
tell me about your high
HUGE THUMBTACKS
just had a dream there were parent teacher conferences in college...scariest dream ever.
his pick up line was "wanna get a pizza and fuck?"
did it work
that's not the point...
So... on the count of three, we are going to forget last night ever happened... 1...2...3
I don't even know why im sitting in this office eating a poptart.
I don't have any swimsuits that don't show off the weird handprint bruises on my hips. Do you have a onepiece I can borrow?
I just had a 30 minute conversation about hummingbirds. That high.
I miss high conversations.
Swinging. Is. Amazing.
Hey so I just want to get straight to the point it was me who ate the last cupcake and it was your sister who I fucked last nigt
THE CONDOM ONLY COVERS HALF OF HIS DICK I AM IN THE BATHROOM PANICKING
Come over. But instead of sex, will you rub anti itch cream all over my face?
Yeah. That's the shitty part. God, I don't want to be a step mom. Sure I'm great with kids, but I just want unlimited sex and not have to worry about making friends with a fucking 7 year old.
her fuck buddy was butt ass naked in our kitchen making waffles but they tasted so bomb
I JUST FARTED SO LOUD AND HARD I IMMEDIATELY TASTED IT
Just set the kids up with doughnuts downstairs so I could go up and masturbate uninterrupted. I am such a good mom.
I told him I might be pregnant and he said he'd buy me a test and a twix bar. I'm marrying him. Tomorrow.
Randomize
