before i could say "i'm not that kind of girl", i was.
He told me he could read braille... with his tongue. So I took him home. I don't think he was lying
can you explain how you are here for one night and now my kitchen table is in 11 pieces..
Yeah but the gay hasidics turned out to actually just be real gay hasidics
Just scrubbed my teeth for a good twenty minutes. Herpes is afraid of toothpaste, right?
THE MIME IS MIMING TO BUST A MOVE KARAOKE. ALL MIME-RELATED EVENTS DESERVE CAPS LOCK
My roommate says its rare that you can be tear gassed before you lose your virginity so i feel accomplished in life
Stripper with the black hair and lip rings is still asleep. Found out she wasn't lying when she said she was a squirter, it was like splash mountain.
Plan B, arranged marriage to a rich Indian, is rapidly becoming Plan A. Fuck Finals.
Despite popular belief cocaine is not a good pre-workout
The only good thing about the sex was that he finally cracked the spot on my back that's been hurting.
I passed out drunk in her bed. Her boyfriend showed up and told me to go to the other room or we were gonna have a threesome. I threw up off the side of her bed and left. I feel like that was an adequate response.
If I die tonight, you and your brother can split my money evenly for college only.
all $38?
He made me pay for half of dinner. Fucking feminist revolution.
She then told me, and I quote "I want to send you nudes just to see how you'd react."
Randomize
