I just found out she jerks off to lesbian porn too honest to god
you wouldn't believe how perfect a match this is its scary
Best walk of shame ever. Not only did I not remember his name or the fact that we fucked, they all watched as I tried to get into 3 cars that werent mine
Oh and I threw up on myself...
I realized we pick a president more often than I get a blowjob
The Fresno prostitute seemed offended all I wanted from her was directions back to the freeway.
I guess I just laid down next to him with the entire pot of mac n cheese and started giving him a handie with one hand and eating with the other
I'm at about main and main street
Im rolling a blunt of encouragement for you to return to
She is larger then a hippo. You could cut her open in the middle of a blizzard and crawl in like Luke skywalker. Throw a couch and a tv in there and you're set
Haha at least the one I have like that you can't tell we are completely drunk and you're about to kick a glass out of my hand in a fit of joy over pizza.
We cuddled after till the morning. Then he woke up sober... and straight.
If you had a dick, I would hope it falls off and comes back to haunt you while fucking your ears at night. But you don't. But if you did, that's how mad I am at you
I'm going to preface tonight by saying that I'm sorry for tequila, shopping carts, and having to chase me.
We should leave before they realize I dumped a bowl of Fritos in your bag just in case I got hungry
I just called my grandma crying, apologizing for being the first grandchild to have premarital sex...I'm either about to start my period or pregnant.
I'm on a party bus with a stripper pole with middle aged women who have all started drinking
God bless your soul.
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