Do you ever close your eyes when your having sex with your girlfriend and pretend she didn't get fat after high school?
So we were in the middle of hooking up when he stopped me. I thought he was having a moral dilemma about the whole having a girlfriend thing. But no. He got down on all fours, butt naked, and started throwing up and farting simultaneously. I took it as my cue to leave.
I can no longer count the number of girls I've banged on my fingers and toes. It's like being born again.
whats a positive sounding word for "exploit"?
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my mom just informed me that im way nicer when im high and offered to supply my weed until our house guests leave.
does that include her cleaning your bowl?
I don't even want to think what you did to boys being that drunk and horny.
Then I wouldn't suggest looking at the pictures from last night.
i'm about to tell me dad "sorry staying in isnt an option. i'm fucking a marine tonight."
We can see it once so I can see the whole movie, then I'll go see it with him so I know when the boring parts are and I can have sex with him during those parts
Finals week...the biggest cock block since your brother threatened me with a beer bottle at the bar.
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My new boobs got me 12 drinks at the concert. Whose the real winner here?
he BROKE his KNEE while we were getting it on, called 911 and the ambulance that showed up contained two paramedics, ONE WAS HIS FUCKING SISTER!!! HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?!?!
Poor life choices...?
You know it was a good night when visa fraud prevention services are calling
sitting in a shitty karaoke bar playing pokemon go and drinking a mimosa. how is your sunday night
He sends me the same inspirational quote quotos that my grandma does. I no longer want to tap that.
Not only did I sleep with the guy but I think I may have called my work and quit to go work for him.
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