Since when is my name a synonym for head?
any advancement on the stomach flu vs. pregnancy scare of '10?
I think whatever his name is just puked on the stairs. Just an fyi for the morning. Love you.
I fed him pizza in bed. I'm probably the best one night stand ever.
All I'm saying is that your next houseguest had better not barge in on me in the shower demanding I wash the stolen dye from his hair. I'm not doing that a second time.
I gotta say, I do way better with the ladies than I do the men. So if it turns out being gay is a choice, then I'm going to go ahead and choose it.
Someone with the Instagram name "hymenbreaker" just liked a photo of me and my grandma. I feel ashamed.
I had the bathroom of girls sing you happy birthday while you puked. I couldn't stop laughing. They were all so supportive
And what in gods fuck were you drinking. It tasted like windex with a mixture of juce
It's times when I'm naked but also want to be platonically social that I miss you the most.
I'm sorry I was just sleeping on the kitchen floor I'm too dead to think
He was doing dishes, naked. I dropped to my knees and gave him head. Teamwork level- pro..
apparently in the middle of sex, i said "i just really love the food network i watch it every day"
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
where are my pants?
in the oven.
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