What are you talking about? And how drunk are you?
Both
The guy at McDonald's just told us there is no flash photography allowed.
New dating criteria: what kind of ex will this person be?
all of the sudden, the other guy at the bar who was celebrating his birthday got a super inspired look on his face and then screamed at me ''our parents fucked on the same day!''
we can be functional adults and still think pizza lunchables are the shit
New brilliant plan: invite two random okcupid girls to the same bar at the same time, have them compete
Ugh I hate you, and the responsible adult life I pretend to have during daylight hours
I just gave my mom some ones that look like they've probably been in some strippers cooter. Oops.
Haha. Just tell your mom not to smell them
Hey mom, most of this money I'm giving you is in ones. Don't ask why and whatever you do don't smell them.
Sounds legit to me.
Oh I see how it is...you can snap chat the world your balls but I wear dinosaur feetie pajamas and I'm the "weird one"
he threw his shirt and suit jacket out the window of the uber going home
i just realized I haven't been laid all summer. So sad. What a waste of a perfectly good vagina.
NO FUCKBOY SHALL PASS OPERATION #BITCHMODE HAS SUCCEEDED
That's crazy. Wow that lady must be fucked up
Yeah I hope she's okay.
I'm still going to fuck her husband but I do hope she's okay.
What the hell do you do when your fuck buddy leaves to go for a piss naked and 20 minutes later hasn't come back and can't be found anywhere in the house or outside but has left his phone, tee shirt and shoes in your bedroom.
I don't think there is a pre defined social etiquette for a lost naked fuck buddy now roaming the streets.
You know something is wrong with your lifestyle when you have to clean easy Mac cheese powder off of your scale
at least it's not cocaine like last time
Randomize
