And my dad told him he was a great looking guy. and then added "no homo" after.
I sware she could use her own nose as a dildo.
hey boys, thanks for all the pictures of your dick you took with my camera last night...they were really nice to stumble upon while reliving my night in the breakroom today at work
I woke up in a place I've never been before, with people I've never met before using me as a table for domino's.
I vaguely remember you trying to make me a casserole with marshmallows and a can of beer.
I got kicked out of the men's bathroom at the diner last night because i was straddling the sink attempting to pee with pants on. Beat that.
Can't keep a straight face around her after she asked me to "make fuck to her."
There is a 90 percent chance I threw up in a mailbox last night....
So his shoes are still here. And there are three contacts in a case. And a shirt on the bed. I've checked my dorm and he's not here. I'm so confused.
The joke is on me because whale penis is forever in my search history.
Worth it.
You threw your body across the gross couple hooking up on the couch and demanded they scratch your back. I love you drunk on peach schnapps
I think I fucked up my elbow when I tried to fight off the paramedics.
I can't decide if this outfit makes me look like a pirate. I also can't decide if I care if it does.
I just texted my mom from a strip club.
The bar brought brought it upon themselves, they played billy joels piano man before closing, it's not our fault the bar isn't a bar anymore, right?
Randomize
