turkey basters and jungle juice, is that really the whole shopping list for new year's?
No no no. When you take one for the team, there are no stipulations or conditions
I met her dad while holding 4 empty beer bottles at the opera house. I think I made a hell of an impression.
Do you think that my Facebook profile picture kinda look like im being raped by a 10 foot polar bear ?
well, the drug dealer I've been fucking the past 5 months gave me a chilis gift card for Christmas, so things are looking up.
So i am officially handcuffed to the pole on the party bus while taking jello shots.....this shall be an interesting night
The roommate asked me to make sure no one fucked in his room. And then preceded to give only me permission to fuck in his room. Had no idea who I was, just thought I was trustworthy cause I had Edward 40 hands. Felt like a Tarantino movie.
He said he wanted to start giving out "sex souvenirs". I got a poster with a penguin on it.
I need you to go into my room and get some pants then bring them and four band aids to Sam's apartment no questions
My liver appreciates your vow of avoiding matrimony
Just remember that no one else gets to suck his dick but you, feel honored. It's like the Olympic torch of life is being passed off to you and it's your time to run
this potential sugar daddy just sent me a photo of him butt naked in the woods saying he wants to "grow our spirits together." so i think i found us a new drug dealer!
The smoothie place is closed, but the liquor store is open and wine is kinda like a smoothie.
I mean, you've had my nipples in your mouth now, so I think we've reached a certain level of friendship.
havent showered in 2 days. just Febrezed my balls in the car before going into a movie alone with a 40 of Guinness.there isn't a word in English for how single I am.
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