It looked like if robin williams had a vagina
I'm smoking weed out of a trumpet
I just did a slip and slide down the hall way of my apartment building
Tie
no seriously he was fingering me like he was really really frantically looking for a song on his iPod.
So let me get this straight. You would sleep with an uncircumcised guy whose name you didn't know, but you won't try the new shrimp taco from taco bell?
I'm shivering and sweating at the same time. Thanks a lot St. Patrick.
I think Charlie st. Cloud is the saddest thing I can masturbate to.
My TA just came over to give us drugs. Now he's drinking grey goose with my roommate and explaining his thesis to her. This is too much.
So that'd what fifty dollars of chicken at 7/11 looks like. Made it to work on time. Puked twice. BOOM.
Serious question: Should I volunteer to get tazered? My instincts say no but my wild side says yes.
I have a spatula mark on my ass. He spanked me with a spatula. Take that Rachel Ray.
Please put me on a plane and hypontize me into forgetting the little bit of last night that I do remember.
my goal for the rest of college is to escape STD free. fuck getting a job. this is more important.
I told him I was ready for another round and he said, "after this part." What guy chooses James Bond over pussy?!
Hey beautiful no judgement but why is there a bucket of KFC chicken in the bathtub??
Dude if I had a dollar for everytime she asked me to do weird shit with her when we were fucking I'd have like 4$
Randomize
