And hes hitting me with his balls, really hard.
Come over! I've just turned Titanic into a drinking game. I drink every time I want to fuck Leonardo DiCaprio.
You know you're wathing too much reality TV when you start adding commentary to every day life.
Being a girl sucks.
Being a boyfriend sucks for about a week, too
this stripper weighs a pound. I feel like I should tip her in food.
You didn't have enough money so you tried to convince the cashier that "four dollar foot long" rolled off the tongue better. Stop drinking. Immediately.
does she really think making her boyfriend delete me on facebook is going to magically stop us from hooking up?
Nah, just ran around, pinned random men to walls, bit their lips of and booked it.
Getting stoned and sitting front row in a legal class.. Not my best idea
Remind me never to smoke before babysitting again. Ate an entire bottle of children's gummy vitamins.... not an easy thing to explain to parents.
When in doubt, it's too much cheese
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with someone crawling around my carpet for 3 hours trying to pick up spilled coke...
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with ME crawling around your carpet for 3 hours trying to save my investment.
You left me a message at 3am crying because you just found out there's a Paddington Bear statue in Peru.
you better come over.. I need a witness to help prove the couch talks to me
I visited the library for the first time in my college career tonight and I got laid. I think I'm gonna come back...
Randomize
