Sorry, can't come over. I have to spend time with my niece. Her Dad ignores her and I don't want her to have male attention issues like you.
Apparently having him hold an open book in front of me while i'm blowing him doesn't count as studying...
throwing up turkey will be a nice break from throwing up ramen
I used my tears to chase my tequila. You could say I rallied.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I don't believe in coincidence. I believe in the stars aligning perfectly to sodomise me in public. Who ever said I was cynical?
I mean, who doesn't have an ex involved with bath salts?
you know, i'm always afraid you're going to think i only want you for sex because i only text you when i'm horny
speaking of, guess what i'm thinking about
I don't want to jinx anything but I may have found the one.
Cat or human?
Human
I just want to braid flowers into his hair and steal all of his pills.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The guy that stalks me just looked out his window and saw me in his neighbor's hot tub. Get your shit ready the fraternity wars are starting.
The power of the half flaccid cock, and to think, I thought I was just playing accordion in front of her Vagina!
You ate my ass why wouldn't I remember you
Drunk me wants sober me to be happy, woke up with half a dozen doughnuts in my bed this morning.
one of my coworkers asked me if I was PMSing today...... excuse me sir, but it is none of your business as to what my uterus is or is not doing right now. fucker.
and yea, I'm PMSing.
is it sad that the highlight of my saturday night was waiting till 3 in the morning to hear about your saturday night?
Randomize