Dude I just picked up a married chick while her husband was playing pool.
What do you mean you picked her up? How are you gonna leave the bar?
I didn't. I fucked her in the men's room. Come get me before he finds out.
By the way, your roommate is right. His penis is much bigger than yours.
there is just no excuse for touching your mothers vagina.
Printing the vagina inspector badge was money well spent.
Going out so taking the 2nd 1/2 of beer w/ me ont'tube in a Pringles tube. I give money to people on the street that have more self respect.
I'm not trying to alarm you guys, but I think I just swallowed a ketchup packet.
YOU WERE HAVING SEX IN THE SAME BED I WAS SLEEPING IN. AND YOU GRABBED MY HAIR. OF COURSE I'M PISSED.
I hate him. I fucked every one of his friends AND his fat brother and he still won't break up with me.
I have a to do list for the summer and thing one is figuring out my sexual orientation
Well, she yelled at the stripper that she couldn't lick whipped cream off his nipples because she is lactose intolerant.
So his dick was definitely bigger than it looked in all the pictures he sent my daughter.
Just zoned back in to real life and found myself chanting "noodle eater noodle eater noodle eater" at my parrot as he devoured a single macaroni
There's a video of you almost falling asleep in a bar stool listening to Jimmy Buffett. Nekkid.
I don't want to sleep with any other woman but you but I want to try this whole mother daughter thing that would be nuts
I told you that we shouldn't have sex. You said "its okay I already saw you pee" apparently that was convincing
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