Just talked to the girl you brought home from the bar last night while she was looking for her panties. She said to tell you "nice try".
i ditched last period to have sex with him. i had to change into my skank clothes in the church parking lot. little kids were on the swings.
nothing about this is right.
if that blanket by the dog bowl was your dog's "bed" then i apologize to bailey for having sex on it
at which point he tried to give himself a prince albert piercing with the stapler on his desk.
Let me shower first- i smell like sex and rock climbing (not so sure how that happened)
WHEN DID YOU SAY YOU COME BACK BC I GOT INVITED TO A KEG WAR PARTY
I had to rip your toilet paper for you...
Mom called last night while I was at the bar and asked where I was. I told her I was on the highway to the danger zone while the guys were humming the top gun theme.
I just realized I'm currently not eating carbs, drinking alcohol or having sex. 2014 is off to a horrible start.
Found some boxer briefs on my patio table this morning surrounded by a case worth of empties. Starting to remember why I have rugburn and a sore asshole.
Excuse me while I gouge out my eyes.
In which case my work here is done.
This is the fifth time tonight that girl has taken off my pants. Take me home. Now.
My one night stand ended up seeing me the next morning... For my interview. Guess who got a job.
I woke up under the kitchen table. Andy is cursing out Joe Exotic's name in between heaves in the bathroom. Jay is trying to sleep w/ a shirt tied over his eyes. Lena and Brad braved the sun to go get bloody mary supplies and food. I'd say the Tiger King drinking game was a success.
There's so many drinking games in the Olympics.
you missed out this chick was licking her paddle
Randomize
