That's the first time you've ever said the L word without referring to drinking or partying.
You were making dinosaur noises while jerking me off..
Just so you're aware, tomorrow is "Slow Clap when you see Mike" day.
My right boob is officially about a handful while my left is 1 and 3/4 handfuls. I'm staring at the mirror falling into a deep depression.
He took a shot, then proceeded to puke into the bucket he was iceing his broken foot in
Just thought you should know that your brother tried to febreeze his floors with cooking spray last night.
got my wristband ripped off, was told i can only be served water. please find me, i'll be running through the fountain
Heed the warning of the ghost of Oktoberfest present: German beer is soooooooo much better than our watered down children's piss. also lost all my clothes and am wearing lederhosen the rest of the trip.
Okay so for future reference and your own safety I should probably tell you that it is not cranberry juice in that bottle on the kitchen table.
Jsyk, in serious talks of trading blowjobs for soup in bed. I'm sober
Listen man, there's two things I know about in life: porn and sound. On a day that I'm wearing khakis, I need you to trust that I know what the fuck I'm doing.
I feel like a bottle of fireball rented a bull dozer and ran me over until I was left without a shred of my dignity
I'm like a freaking volcano of life and sexual frustrations
The kitchen also doubles as a screaming room after midnight as long as you have something to muffle the sound
not sure if actually covered in glitter or just drunk
Randomize
