I cant video chat with you tonight, my parents are home
r u implying that im some kind of v-chat prostitution whore?
The weird kid in front of me is reading an article titled "why don't i have a girlfriend?" the article then continues to talk about the mathematical equation for obtaining a girlfriend. exhibit a of why he is single
You're pretty and everything..but you aren't worth the DUI
Steve is gonna hang his bear rug on the wall because he doesn't trust us not to have sex on it...
Dude next time u fuck on our counters will u please let me know BEFORE I make lunch.
You asked me if you could throw up in my shoe.
I have a cat, a bottle of wine, and a Brazilian man. I need to catch you up on my life
She had a glow in the dark pastie on her forehead the last time I saw her. That should help you find her.
That was when I yelled "Wisconsin powers activate!" and took off sprinting across the ice
I sexted him with a GIF from titanic and it worked....
falling asleep on a hardwood floor changes a person
In any case. I fucked a married couple recently. Know what a straight person would've done there? Been super weirded out by 1/3 of the genitals there, that's what.
Of course his biggest mistake was assuming that I ever gave a fuck to begin with.
Your mom asked you why you had bite marks all over your arms and you answered her by yelling "I HAD A SIESTA!"
The strippers who live across the street set up a decently professional stage on their front balcony and a banner for a go fund me... I think we're gonna get a show.
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