Laziness has reached now heights if you too unmotivated to buy pot
Anyone ask you how much a bj cost yet? That shirt is so whorish
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
he told me my hair look so beautiful and as he was stroking it his fingers got caught in my BUMPIT. How are you supposed to explain that one?
I should just tell him this. He doesn't need to be all nice and ask me on dates and to do gay stuff like hangout during the day. I'll still sleep with him regardless.
Please don't die.. At a gay bar... On a Wednesday. Obituaries are not allowed to be that entertaining.
I wish I could attach your penis to someone I like more than you.
It's safe to say that our attempt at trying to fuck in the grand Sierra elevator was a bad idea.
Apparently I took one a huge picture off the wall at the bar and was walking around dancing with it..
Your christmas gifts are already wrapped, how on top of my shit am I?
I'm hungover as fuck and had to break into my own house by throwing a cinder block through my back door at 4am. You're more on top of your shit than me.
It's like you're a magic genie of bad timing
I can't take any time off so I'll be here drinking mimosas til I puke at home with my kitty
Is this the girl that wrote "Poon Slayer" across my chest?!
Three cans of beer can fit in the shower catty... multi tasking
Legit just heard the bartender tell some Dude "Penis is not an accepted currency in this establishment" and Dude responded "You take Vagina then?"
Randomize
