doesn't he have a GF?
that just means you have to try harder.
i didn't have to try TOO hard, just told him i didn't want to know his name or...
Idk man, it felt like my skin was a suit and I could feel it zipping up my side and up to my mouth. And then my head felt like a ventriloquist dummy's head, with the jaw thing..it was freaky, dude
You think that's a metaphor for anything, champ?
Shut the hell up.
The only people who have said happy valentines day to me today have been 2 homeless people.
he put $150 on the cabs dash so 9 of us could pile in and ride 3 blocks to the apartment.
deryk tried to steal your screen door and i think sam and brent are duct taping lauren to the diving board.
lets just use each other and get past this awkward stage. forget my name.
I made him a flow chart of what to do if I got arrested.
This is why i like single justin better. my only regret is not being present for more of his short life. may he rest in peace
You chest bumped everyone we walked by on the way home... Even girls
I drunkenly called my ex on Skype last night and didn't talk, just smiled real big at him until I fell asleep.
I figured it out! The supermoon explains how I managed to have sex with 3 dudes in 3 nights without leaving the apartment.
You kidnapped her dog. I don't care that you and the dog are epic bros, that's just not cool. Return him.
Well, my mom found the ball gag and whip. Looks like I'm never going home again.
Is it wrong to want to have sex with one guy who's good in bed before going out on a date with a guy I actually like?
She asked me to tell her the three words every girl wants to hear so I whispered "I play hockey" in her ear.
Randomize
