I told him I was pregnant. Figured it would soften the blow of telling him I had herpes.
Did it?
Not as such, no.
My parents showed me my IQ test from fourth grade, I'm shitting on my potential.
It was at that moment that I realized I was alone. Alone and drunk on an Epcot ride.
I'm in a hotel full of Marines. I'm leaving here pregnant.
Went to anytime fitness at 3:34 am drunk after the the bar and getting whataburger. Lifted weights with my cheeseburger between my knees. That's called DEDICATION.
Faces of meth called, they want their look back.
You disappeared for 10 minutes. Then came back with nothing but your boxers and a life jacket on to tell us we were all screwed when the flood came and you would be the only survivor.
You are the voice of reason. And I'm bringing wine. Like seriously this is his last chance. Don't touch me once, shame on you.. Don't touch me twice, shame on me
They were swingers. Real swingers. Thought it was going to be awesome until some fat guy tried to put my dick in his mouth.
is one penis in the hand worth one better nicer penis in the manscaped bush?
You HAVE to stop telling me about the shit you do drunk. I can't be both your brother AND your gay friend.
i feel like when you brought up the possibility of you getting pregnant the sexting is over
I was in a penguin suit. Dick out. I am confident in the value of my pic.
Does the term "on fleek" apply to dicks or just eyebrows?
I made out with my moms boyfriends son last night. Thanksgiving is gonna be reeeal fun!
Randomize
