just peed on my foot to get a spider off. that lazy.
Life lesson learned last night, if you are too drunk to use the atm leave the strip club
Why did you put hummus in my pillow case?
He keeps asking me for girl advice, i told him im an expert at getting drunk, not girls
Jessi just used the excuse "it's not you it's me" to get out of getting a lap dance.
Just hooked up on shake weight girl's dad's porsche. What are YOU doing with your life?
I don't know if I want to cry scream puke or go somewhere and drink more. This is such a weird emotion.
could you clean the juice and feathers off my bed I'm just not up for hangover cleaning.
Also, that dude projectile vomiting all over the living room was the perfect distraction for me to swipe the booze and run.
Do you think the neighbors will know I was the one giving out the penis shaped lollipops to the children?
Can an epipen be used as a tranquilizer ?
Found my bike today. On top of the garage. I'm not even going to ask myself why.
I'm going through our high school yearbook trying to find what boys I want to hook up with this summer. We graduated four years ago. That's a problem.
He said I took his samurai sword off his wall and proceeded to jump off his porch at people coming home from the bar.
the good news is that even if it's Alex's, I can still say it's Colin's, because the kid will come out ginger anyway!
who knew there'd be a plus side to your ginger fetish one day?
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