we have to go try and show our tits so we can get ID-free drinks at applebees
why do guys feel they can ask questions when im blowing them? you'd think they'd know my answer will always be "mmhmhmhmmm"
So then I told him that only a restaurant managed by a florida fan could run out of ketchup
I wish I could get plan B off e-bay so it would be a secret and cheap.
and I'm going to name my autobiography "blow jobs with enthusiasm are the best"
I'm naming my autobiography "Reasons Not to Date Girls From Texas."
You kept telling that ginger girl, "it's not your fault, it's not your fault, it's not your fault."
No more scars from drunken holidays, people are starting to notice.
We still going to Happy Hour
Idk. I can't because it doesn't fit in my schedule of sleeping or throwing up
gona look into getting a tetanus booster and carrying an adrenaline shot...its going off this weekend
You tried to impress her by kicking the 5th floor button in the elevator, but you ended up kicking everything from 3 to 11. Then you said, "pretty accurate, huh ladies?"
You crowd surfed from beer pong into the bathroom where you spent the rest of the night, also I have your wallet
I have no inclination to even want to think about what God's existential meltdown is going to be like. O.o
I'll take "things you shouldn't say to a guy you just met in a bar" for 100!
I woke up this morning with my hand on his dick. That sneaky bastard.
His dog was laying on the bed and he said we could have sex as long as we didn't disturb his dog. My life is pathetic
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