After they won there was a guy outside Magee Hospital yelling "name your kid Sidney"... that guy may or may not have been me.
I hate it when she philosophizes drunkenly on my kitchen counter. not even sober do i understand latin.
I just got over my period in 3 days...I believe that is god's way of saying "go fuck an amazingly attractive Italian boy on vacation"
my mom said i couldn't bring cigarettes cause it was a family trip, which was really irresponsible of her because now i have to walk around the beach drunk trying to find someone with cigarettes.
I bought a sword. Make the proper arrangements.
You took it upon yourself to rid the world of them, and by that I mean you dressed up as Batman and started kicking them in the shins.
I'll even be awesome and bring pizza for your family, just as a "hey thanks for letting a stranger get trashed at your house" gesture.
Haha he's lucky I don't kick him back into the land of the majestic handjobs
All I am going to say is this: I woke up with lots of bruises on my knees from running around on all fours being a 'dinosaur'. Either girls night in went terribly wrong or terribly right.
YOU GAVE HIM A BLOWJOB ON YOUR DOORSTEP?!
We need a shit load of segways right now
He's drunk and I'm pain-killer high and we're about to watch fireworks at disney world. It's gonna be fucking magical
I will never look at a penis the same again. After that I will appreciate them so much more than I do. Makes me wanna kiss yours just for being pretty
She was way too drunk so I dropped her off at her house and smoked a huge blunt with her mom.
Im including "no monologues past 1am" in the list of apartment rules. Theatre majors dude.
Randomize
