In hindsight, i should have predicted that a drink called the 'rocky mountain bear fucker' would not end in a pleasant experience
she was drooling, sharted in her sleep, rolled over stuck her hand under the covers pulled it back out, smelled it and moaned and rolled back over. i almost added puke to the disgusting bodily fluid category.
what day is it and did you see me today?
FB needs to have a relationship status called...screwing my roommates bf..linking their names would be an easier to tell her!
you know its summer when you wake up on the toilet
She gained 35 lbs and has an ankle bracelet, time for new booty call.
Dude. It just hit me for a second time. My thumbs are huge and moving very quickly. Like stampeding buffalo...
I blame it on the rum. It keeps jumpng doqn my throst.
I'll have to text you later. Trying to have civilized conversations with the boyfriends parents when I'm 100% aware I just blew their son in the bathroom 5 mins ago. Stay tuned.
speaking of festive, i made out with a guy in a leaf pile last night. happy fall?
Dear God, please let me get my period. And if this one is fiercer than usual I completely understand.
He may be engaged to someone else, but god damn that was the best 3 hours I've ever spent naked with someone.
Somehow his homemade liquor activated memories of my semester abroad three years ago. I ended up yelling random medical advice in German, while my roommates played dress-up with the cat stoned out of their minds. I consequently gave up on dating. Back in the ONS game.
I have got to move on from this "sleeping with every drug dealer I meet" phase.
You’ve seen my tits of course he broke his wedding vows
Randomize
