Seriously, I'd take them all over any of the milfs here...and you know how much that means coming from me
i got really high and listened to the spongebob squarepants theme song and, i swear to god, it was in german.
our new exchange student wants to hear all about America's greatest politician, "Oprah." it's gonna be a long fucking day
you had sex with a 30 year old who doesn't have a cell phone but does have an 8 year old son.
he's 29.
I just feel like a little gay dolphin in a massive sea
they wouldn't let me take the pitcher of beer on the ferris wheel
if it doesnt flame it aint got game is a bad drinking motto eyebrow-wise.
eyebrows regrow, your balls dont
Taking dicks and breaking hearts, no better life
WHO TURNS DOWNA FRESHLY WAXED VAGINA IN A MAIDS COSTUME LITERALLY LAYING IN YOUR BED
Hold on, I'm taking nudes in a blanket fort right now
I'm sorry I threw a frog in your car last night.
Have you ever given your heart and soul to someone and they turn out to be nothing but a great fuck that makes a mean grilled cheese because same
im about to bake her parents a "thank you for making such beautiful babies, ive had sex with all 5 of them" cake
What's a professional way to say get your shit in gear?
Now I am free. And I want to go meet men. My phone deleted all my contacts, and I consider this to be a new beginning. With a new man in my phone book.
Randomize
