It wasn't long before I skipped the martini glass and went straight to drinking from the shaker.
we got sick of 7 11 doubles so we made up a game where you just drink when anyone rolls a 5
thats barely a game just flip a coin
should we drink on heads or tails?
i threw up on the blunt... he was pissed.
ps if your frozen peas taste like crotch it's because some dude kicked me in the nuts while trying to do a keg stand and I needed an ice pack
Wait, is this the kid that tried catching a bat in your backyard with a flashlight and a ball of tin foil?
Not sure if it's my shorts, hat, shoes, hair or soul but one of the above just got me drunk again from the glorious aroma of Keystone Light.
Remember camping when you drank 36 beers to yourself in one day and puked in your tent? Ready for round 2?
And don't try to lose a condom in me tonight. My vagina is not a storage compartment where you can just leave something and try and use it again later in the week.
I mean there is a rehab there so its gotta be a good time
The squirrels are partying on my roof again. Now they're just rubbing it in that I'm home alone on a Saturday night and they're having orgies.
Hold on - sidebar. My best friend just threw a 40 pack of condoms through my window.
What does it say about my expectations if I'm pounding three beers the hour before a date?
I'm just drunk enough to be eating egg rolls on the toilet
He just went to a job interview a sharpie moustache drawn on his face..
i love how you, my friend, sends me a picture of herself wearing a shirt that says "i am dead inside" and i'm just like "awww baby you're so cute"
that's just solidarity
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