Santa Clause just drove by me on a fire truck. Epic night begins.
consequently i now know what mace tastes like
Upperdeckered the toilet. Took sombrero off, drawing too much heat. Witnessed glassing. In bush, come findme.
You actually went to class. Im eating dry cereal naked and watching bring it on.
Also, not pregnant! Way to go uterus! Good job on being a team player!
I think the fact that I shit my pants, threw away my underwear in a frat bathroom, lost my socks down a drain in the front yard and still got laid... deserves some sort of a victory drink for myself or a blowjob for him since he was such a good sport.
She kept throwing quarters at him and yelling "Goooaaallll!!" whilst taking her clothes off one by one. I'd say she had a good night
Could have had sex with an ex NFL kicker last night.
That would've been embarrassing.
Lesson learned the hard way. If it's a "no" on a dating site, it's also a no if you ever run into the person anyplace in public. It's a slap if you mention wanting to poke.
Woke up at 10 with bourbon being shoved down my throat and him yelling, "shot train! Don't be a bitch"
Don't forget the part about the bar bathroom stumbles.
Oh damn, you're right. I have to include that. You turned off all the lights with your head. That was impressive.
I just want to be like i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it
i just want to die with dignity and clean teeth, is that too much to ask?
Have a booty call at 3am, stopped for tacos at 2:30. It's 2:55 and I still haven't ordered but can't jump the curb to get out of line because there is a cop in front of me. What am I doing with my life?
You were in the girls bathroom yelling at some random chick because you thought she stole all the urinals. That's why you were kicked out.
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