I just woke up to a lawnchair covered in lipstick. I'm wearing red lipstick. What happened and is the tequila?
so we have officially lost him as of 7 hours ago.. already called campus security, the drunk tank and the hospital. figure he'll turn up eventually..
i'll start checking the bushes on campus.
he proposed by singing a showtune... he might as well have had a cock in his mouth at the time
Breaking hearts and overdosing on semen. That's my life.
Do you know how awkward it is to call the bar from last night and ask if they found my leggings?
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
I have pink band-aids all over my body, WHAT HAPPENED?
Keg backpack and a Bike
They showed a guy on tv in a Brady jersey and a sweatpants boner when the NE offense took the field. They didn't show his face. I hope that wasn't you.
admittedly, it's a little weird getting relationship advice from the mother of a former one night stand. but she's a wise lady and she buys me drinks, so i'm ok with it.
fun fact: in my eskimo family tree i am the only brunette
People around me are just doing lines of cocaine. Like its no big deal. And I'm just here like.... Y'all want some cheezits?
I already plan to donate my brain to science so they can attempt to fully understand the complexities of my existence
Definitely the only person to buy 2 handles a 2 bottles of champagne & 3 thirties while wearing a fanny pack
now whenever i pass that house all i can think about is how i pooped in their yard..
...i have a beer in one hand, and a chicken wing in the same. typical tuesday, right?
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