so i texed my mom when i was trashed last night and said "i know its 3 am, just go to bed and i'll be back by the time we leave for the airport"
I just saw a commercial for "tickle me elmo hands" and I am almost 100 percent sure that at the end elmo said "yeaaaaa boooyyyyyy"
I think I'm going to try and hook up with that blond tonight.
I'm going for alcohol poisoning.
Going to have to start putting down newspaper if puking the bed is going to be a habit
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The last thing I remember is trying to split my bridesmaid dress down the back like the incredible hulk.
and you succeeded.
She is just sitting by the bathroom like a little puppy waiting for a knight in shining armor to take her in there to fuck her. New low?
he made a bon jovi sex playlist and started crying when "i'll be there" came on... how was your night?
we came into the house to find you doing shots by your self and when we told you to stop you locked yourself in the bathroom...
did I at least say anything...
you meowed at us and said you're a cat and cats drink for a living
Drinking a grey goose and water in a random chair that I found by the road by myself
So there's that.
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if you're the one who put those dollar bills in my bra last night, thank you because I just used that money to get myself a coffee
Also, I wish we had magnetic nipple rings and our boobs stuck together.
Just remembered that I got laid thanks to my glow in the dark Batman belt buckle. Need to wear it more often.
GOD DAMN IT I COULD HAVE HAD A MOTHERFUCKING 3 WAY LAST NIGHT. WHY BOOZE, WHY?!
If you ever get divorced...would you call me??
We were playing fuck marry kill and he was eavesdropping so I said I would fuck him
It was like catching dick in a barrel
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