I went to blockbuster, where I always go when I need to soul searching
Despondent, hopeless, I decide on vantage point, because I vaguely resemble matthew fox (let me believe this, please)
It was cheaper to buy then rent, so now I'm stuck w/ a wretched hangover and I own this shit movie
I'm going to get a baby outfit made and send it to her that says: "My husband fucked his subordinate and all I got was another baby".
You only like me because I'm a challenge
You already blew me
Banged a lazy eyed chick last night. It was like fucking an iguana.
I woke up naked in my own vomit. Not even in my bed. No one is happy.
I found him crying and drunk, in my closet holding a picture of Tyler Perry. He managed to say"he's just so many people"
you're being fucking weird and i don't like it. text me when you're not being the after picture on a poster for rehab
Dude i swear to christ if he sends me one more pic of a "magnificent dump" im changing my number
It was like inception, a dream, in a dream, in the back of a dodge charger.
So how was your new years? Did u ride a horse at 3am in zero degree weather? Because I sure did
So immediately after we finished having sex she started singing, "The Circle of Life", put her clothes on and then just left. I think I'm in love.
I'm eating cake, naked, in bed. I am GREAT at being single.
I'm going to get high and eat ice cream until the pain goes away. You're welcome to join.
The notary thing was a good idea. I can charge $2 per signature. I'm currently being paid in beer.
I volunteer to be the person who breaks into the room and runs around naked and has to be escorted out by police.
Randomize
