So my mouth tastes like dick. Does that explain how our talk went?
He just seriously used the word "skeet." Can we please find another way to get weed?
No. Take one for the team.
hammered. By myself. Accident. Faillll. Snowwwwwy
In debating whether or not it's worth getting out of bed and walking 5 feet down the hallway to go to the bathroom before I puke
as my niece was drinking milk out of a crown royal glass i realized i dont think i've ever bought a glass that didnt come with a bottle of liquor....
These margaritas aren't just going to regret themselves.
Got robbed by knifepoint. Then got sympathy Bj. I might have to walk down Austin ave drunk every weekend
Dude it started out with let's find some food and ended up with me getting a needle in the face
Hurry up. Some creepy guy with a "God is vengeful" flyer is asking where I wanna go most today. I think he's going to chop me into pieces.
He actually offered up a silent prayer thanking God for my "tremendous ass." You tell me how my night is going.
I Can't even believe I threw all my pizza rolls at her, I mean not only did i ruin a good meal but now I dont have anymore
That was the #1 scariest moment in my life. I have full trust in you, I let you bite my penis for god sake.
If you could get me there thatd be perfect. I doubt there's extradition on the moon.
please tell me he didn't just scream 'i am the yiff lord' at the cops
I woke up to a gigantic ft-long tootsie roll and a note by drunk me with the words "you're welcome"
Randomize
