my dad came in to wish me a happy birthday and found me passed out in my underwear with the lights on and a plate of meat on the bed. i bet he was proud to have contributed to my creation in that moment.
I'm sorry for the crack den comment. You have a lovely apartment.
Please don't tell anyone I peed on your wall.
a drug dealer just gave me his business card. it had his face on it drinking a 40oz
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'd just like to give a shout out to jesus and plan b for making this day possible.
I've never been to a "going away to jail" cookout. do we bring a present?
The cute guy in my class hurt himself and is on crutches. My first thought was "Good. He'll be easier to take down." Like he's a gazelle and I'm a dick tiger. What's wrong with me?
I think they took out their livers years ago and replaced them with like cheese graters or something. Only explanation.
And my coffee table looks like something out of Scarface
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
of course we called 911. an innocent mans booze was at steak
hell no. i was not wasting my two tears of virginity on him.
Would I be crazy if I drove 1,000 miles for some dick? What mile does it become ridiculous?
You challenged a dog groomer that she couldn't cut human hair ... How's the shaved head
So I got cockblocked by our relationship status last night
Ha. Yeah that's all I found you with this morning. Butt ass naked w my robe across your lap and your arms thrown back in handcuff position.
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