Just looked in the bathroom mirror before getting to this exam to see If I look as bad as I feel & the answer is no. I look amazing, even in yesterday's clothes
I want my own midget army. I think I would be a good midget army leader.
sunday morning discovery: something purple, smelly, and sticky my hair. any suggestions?
remember the used condom we threw behind my bed? my mom found it and is accusing me and making a big deal out of it,
Haha! You pissed me off, so I actually told her to go look behind your bed. Good thing I moved to Nevada, so your dad can't kick my ass. Good luck bitch.
My life has only gotten better since they built a playground behind the bar
I think our camping neighbours like us. We're the drunk girls trying to chop firewood with no pants on at 3 in the afternoon.
I left his apartment Bc I lost my id. Wandered 5 miles barefoot. Got lost in downtown la. My phone died so I asked for directions from a man at the gas station.. Turns out he was a bum. He led me back to the apartment AND he found my id.
It's like the whiskey god was watching over you
Sometimes you have a life bucket list item checked off like 4 tits in your face simultaneously and getting to bang them both. I'm sorry I bailed on skiing but not really. Coming over with a boombox playing 'heat of the moment' as soon as I can hail a cab cause I'm too drunk to drive still...
He got naked and made a run for the door so I had to stop him.
How would your parents feel if we installed a sex swing?
You don't know how skeptical I was about letting a guy with braces go down on me
I was just drinking but now I'm drinking and chasing with red bull. I call this "getting ready for work"
you had me at "meet me in the bathroom"
You should have thought of that before emitting walrus sounds while intoxicated
do nipples grow back?
Randomize
