Just caused a nice traffic jam while trying to park at Costco. Too high to drive.
I'm at about main and main street
I think I'm dead. Why did I think it was a good idea to hang from the banister while someone poured liquor into my mouth?
You were running around yelling "BUKAKE!" and squirting people with a shampoo bottle you found. Total shitshow.
the amount of chicks and firearms here is unnerving. this will end awesomely or at the morgue.
hey remember that mom you brought home from the bar last month... she is currently driving me back to her place. turning my phone off now.
So Bodhi just sent me a pic of someone's balls with a message that says "I hope you all have a ballin' night." I don't even know what level of friendship to call this anymore.
Oh my god.
The ballsiest level.
I need a costume
Dude just wear a bra or something hahaha
no he just sat there holding the hammer and grinning insanely
Did he think I was flirting with him when I ordered a hot dog bc no
I wore my Gollum shirt. It struck up a conversation AND got him staring at my boobs. That's a win-win.
I found more straws in my beard this morning. Please stop doing that.
Just drink your champagne out of a trophy like a fuckin winner
My next goal in this relationship is to teach my boyfriend that there are valid reasons to be fear of dolphins completely.
It's like sleep walking but with blowjobs
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