And God said, "Let there be Twilight," and it was so.
I should injure you considerably.
saw my dad's penis on the x-ray last night. at least his hip wasn't broken
At a straight bar and poker face just came on...must...resist....urge to gay it up
Why would that come on at a straight bar? I thought they just played Don't Stop Believin and Wonderwall on repeat
I'm at a job interview and I smoked a little before I came. I thought it would make me less nervous. Boy was I wrong.
Unless I'm getting a singing midget telegram, I'm not going to smile
The project manager just came into talk to me for the first time and I had justed googled best drum solo ever and couldn't X out of the screen.
Quite frankly, I consider the fact that I'm NOT pregnant one of my greatest achievements and I'd like to chronicle that ongoing success. I'm going to post pictures of me at "0 weeks" once a week.
I think we should roll her a welcome back, sorry your godmom's on life support blunt.
$100 bras are my way of telling my boobs that I love and appreciate them, and all the metaphorical doors they have opened for me.
Hey please buy toilet paper today. Plastic grocery bags are starting to hurt now
Why are your underwear on my dining room table?
nana can keg stand better than me. should i be proud?
Had to decide between a hook up at the train restroom or getting to work on time #growingup
You were cussing me out in sign language, and slurring your signs.
That's some kind of record drunk there...
I dont understand why i cant be a wizard
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