What's everyones problem with my costume?!
It looks like a unicorn came on your face.
Just fyi NOT a good idea to drunkenly insert your NuvaRing after chopping jalepeno peppers
I found your twin in sf. His name is ryan. And you are the evil one.
That should be a holiday. like easter. but bulges instead of baskets
Two kids are drinking pounders in class. I think I'm hanging out with the wrong group of friends.
i sneezed during and he said it felt like i gave birth to his dick...then asked me to do it again.
Just realized after we're done pre-gaming for St. Patricks Day, we have March Madness, the first day of spring, and Easter to pre-game for. March is a great month.
Chances are I'll be there for your wedding. Camelbaks filled with jack and coke are appropriate attire, right?
its so hard to text. the buttons are tickling my fingers
I woke up and took my shirt off, and there was what I was assume to be pieces of tree in my chest hair. Any ideas about that one?
Six words: 3rd Degree Burn On My Dick
OMFG "ASS" JUST STARTED PLAYING ON MY PHONE VIA PANDORA AS IM IN THE CAR WITH A CONGRESSMAN FUCKKKK
Please keep in mind you are asking relationship advice from a girl who fucked a guy just because we have the same name. Just keep that in mind.
Is it weird that my ex and the dude I'm talking to now both only have one testicle? Apparently I've found my type..
Can we just talk about the fact that the last time I got laid I was wearing a Jurassic Park tshirt?
Randomize
