Saw a pregnant woman get a lap dance last night. I love the south.
It's not called being bisexual its called making out with anyone that has a mouth
He had a huge mole on his dick. Genetics has cockblocked him for life.
When she showed me how she could touch her toes without bending her knees, suddenly her face didn't worry me quite as much.
Apparently it costs $70 to clean vomit off the side of our apartment building.
great! i almost saw a gas station fight, and i believe i became the first person to successfully pee and puke in a bathtub simultaneously
She has an emergency bra in her purse. I'm gonna check no on the 'introducing her to my new boyfriend' box.
He titled his birthday party on facebook, "BJ's in PJ's- an adult slumber party." I'm the only one invited.
I ripped the door frame off last night too. Just remembered.
I told him he could fuck me once he could grow a beard. Never expected seeing him ten years later with a goatee and a great memory...
Just got flashed by an entire bus of girls in school uniforms. We then had to wait beside each other at a light. It was awkward.
Oh I will totally be your beard, but on one condition I get to watch you and your boy friend have sex.
You know how I know last night was a good night? Because I remember high fiving a couple WHILE they were having sex.
As a rule...I don't sleep with my friends or watch movies with talking dogs
He's finally divorcing her, so naturally he tells me that we're not exclusive anymore. His penis 'wants what it wants' apparently.
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