This fat girl in front of me just got on the bus to go 2 blocks. Do you think she ever wonders why shes fat?
Sorry, can't come over. I have to spend time with my niece. Her Dad ignores her and I don't want her to have male attention issues like you.
well once we started drinking vodka out of wine glasses there was no turning back
There was a guy running for some position in our government named "young boozer" hell yes I voted for him
then he asked me if i wanted to "handle his wingman"
Apparently drunk me thinks it's a good idea to put drops of acid in assorted open drinks in the fridge... This should be a fun week.
All I remember from the concert was leaving in an RV full of middle aged people playing circle of death
A group of drunk Marines just serenaded me, never leaving this place
Woke up naked on a bed full of money, doughnuts, and keys that weren't mine. Unsent dick pick on phone, and cheap cigar butt on my pillow. Also...I maybe hotwired my car.
I just walked away from a youth soccer tournament popping every birth control pill I had left in the pack.
oh god I've lost the ability to distinguish between 'star trek' and 'the future'
I hope you get your threesome on vday. I'll probably get flowers and a candlelit dinner. trade you. I wish this guy was more of a slut and had less of a heart. I would like 2 dicks please fuck your flowers!
His premature ejaculation problem is getting old.
Godammit I caught my hair on fire taking a bong rip
Now the fun stuff starts.
Someone is losing a finger.
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