I just crawled out of a second story window using a sheet and his clothes for a rope so he wouldn't wake up.
I am so glad I watched Macgyver as a kid.
He told me his condom was going to expire tomorrow and he needed to use it. I can't believe I fell for it.
Awesome. My fame will spread to DC... As will the herpes.
you might as well be a hobo. you were covered in pee last night hanging out on the stairs drunk.
right. well we all have our lows.
thing about being the result of a teen pregnancy is that all my baby pictures are of my mom and dad holding me around their stoned college friends.
After we were finished she said "That was like marriage sex". Should I take that as a compliment or insult?
Don't you dare blame me for walking in one walking in on ur fuck session....u decided to fuck where we hid our booze
I was getting sick from all the peanut butter I had to lick off
Stop bitching. YOU SHOULD FEEL BLESSED TO HAVE LICKED PEANUT BUTTER OFF OF THESE TOTTERS
If court goes my way we are flying to Vegas.
He kicked in the door just as I climbed on top of him...and stood there. I felt like I was in a porn. It was invigorating.
DUDE I FINGERED JOE'S MOM, PLS DONT TELL HIM, MORE LATER
There is a goat eating lettuce out of our fridge. Do you wanna grab a bloody mary?
Shit is getting real. I just adjusted my search radius for my dating profile to ANY FUCKING WHERE
this is the second night in a row i've fucked a guy i met on craigslist. and it wasn't even a post for sex. i posted a housing ad. A HOUSING AD
It’s a good thing I’m the only one in the office today. My boy toy stopped by and now there is jiz all over my desk and couch
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