Are you with Adam and his vodka?
Yeswdsssss I masde his pickle gi away ans he go anbnoued
my love horoscope just told me to "say it in frosting" should i take this literally?? i think yes.
I'm currently trying to figure out how I woke up naked and handcuffed to my bed. Not real worried about class right now.
he broke up with me while standing outside, half naked, waiting to fuck him. i feel like a leper right about now.
guess who's bored in chemistry researching how to sneak weed through airport security in her vagina?
Dude I reek of $2.50 pitchers, $1 off/pack marlboro cigs, and fear.
Fear?
FEAR.
I think the pivotal moment was when we used the see and say as a drinking game with shots of whiskey. It was all downhill after that.
Did you like my voicemail? Sounded like I was being murdered, right?
By a pack of ravenous dildos
I'm worried my skin won't stretch enough to handle this boner. Then what?
Some people say 6pm is too early to get drunk. To them I say this dinner is delicious.
It's cool, I power napped on the dryer while they were fucking in the bathroom so I'm good to go now. Where are you?
The highlight of the night was when he yelled "WAS THIS CONDOM MADE FOR TODDLERS??"
If there's one thing I learned yesterday, it's that if I really wanted to I could be mayor of Toronto.
For new year's, we should just keep our resolution simple and keep accomplishing burpees in heels.... while drunk.
I'm eating ice cream out of my purse
Randomize
