yesterday i saw a blind man guiding himself into a NYC tour bus... and i thought i waste money
I'm passing your future prison.
Lesbian sex in an alleyway drunk.
I found this letter on my leg this morning "dear sober self- we are one body now. It's weird but get used to it because it already happened" who the fuck is lionman?
You should have seen her, she looked like a skinny Jabba The Hutt
That literally makes no sense
Exactly
Just made a drunk dude do 20 push-ups. In the parking lot of the bar tonight for a keystone light I found in the back of my truck.
Oh yum
I passed out and slept in my car. Now I feel like a hungover zoo animal. Look and laugh people, look and laugh.
You're a Heat fan? You lose any chance blowjob bc of your poor choice.
Sometimes you just have to have sex for a Netflix password.
Congrats. You made me have an orgasm in Starbucks.
I woke up to some strange woman rubbing peanut butter on my thighs
I take Paypal, cash, sexual favors, and roasted red potatoes with garlic as payment. You choose.
Rarely does a man I fucked with upgrade from me
Ugh I realized he only responds to my snaps when I’m eating a popsicle
Why are male brains so small?
Hot or not, she’s from Boston. It’s hard to nut when she sounds like Mark Wahlberg
Randomize
