I can't remember if we talked about feelings. Fuck you Miller High Life.
the first call I got in the morning was from visa fraud prevention so yeah it was one of those nights
Does it make me a prostitute if I accepted a Life House concert ticket for giving this guy head?
No. It just means your good at giving head.
do you think you could subtly ask him about the dimensions of his penis?
My coke dealer 411'd my work number just to see how I was doing and gave me his new number. He must miss my business
Making jello shots drunk, i apologize ahead of time if they are too strong Can't taste anything.
I just got peed on. This karma circle is starting to get vicious.
I convinced a girl making out is a secret handshake
Basically taped my dick down because it's too obvious in this costume...
It feels like I was drinking gasoline last night.
I'm trying to cause a divorce, your hooking up with a felon, I think we need Jesus.
Just woke up with the taste of tequila, weed, and cigarettes in my mouth spooning a friend I haven't seen since college wearing one contact and one ankle sock. I hate myself.
Sorry I missed your birthday party. I caught a dick and rode it to O-Town
I have all the porn. Be there soon
Who is this?
Mom says you're allowed to come home if you replace the towels. I don't want to know why.
Randomize
