Ok seriously, can we bring back badminton?
Kirsten Dunst is sitting next to me in a bar in NYC
Tell her I want my money back for Elizabethtown.
I have no idea what her name is. I only remember putting my dick between her ass cheeks.
The guy in the cast riped the tap off the keg and hit steve with it
I have a fever. Last thing I need to do tonight is be elbow deep in old lady pussy.
It's like weed even makes my glasses better. Everything is so bright and clear and beautiful!
I went to McDonald's this morning still half drunk with penises drawn all over my body, when my card was declined the cashier asked if I needed Jesus
I walked in on him fucking my best friend. I think we've reached the point of following each other on twitter.
i just looked at those "hey" messages and i was so confused and then i remembered we were practicing texting with our tongues.
The night is not complete until I am drnk and speaking to inanimate objects
When ur uncle gives you free weed, you take it
Why so philosophical about cake and sex this morning?
Don't trim your pubes if you've been drinking. I can't believe I have to tell you more than once.
Honestly it was like 3 AM and I only agreed to go to the strip club because I wanted chicken tenders
And then I woke you by humping you to Lionel Ritchie.
Randomize
