The streak lives on, still havent been to Towson without throwing up
Pregaming class all semester has made this final review session more like my introduction to the topic.
i just entered cocaine into my calorie counter.
If the blowjob was before the wedding, we're not technically related, right?
260 beers this month. I need a new hobby.
I was informed last night that im not allowed to pick up the bouncers and carry them around anymore. Last sat is starting to make more sense
Jumped in the kebab van and said he was Ultimate MasterChef. Incurred wrath of six angry Turks. I got free chips.
the story is to long to tell you via txt so when you notice the tattoo on your ass call me.
im just laying here pukin in my mouth and swallowing it 'cause im WAY too lazy to actually get up and find a place to vomit. this is my life now.
He's the first man I've met that knows more about Harry Potter than I do. He shops at Goodwill and has a Game of Thrones cookbook in his apartment. This is my soulmate.
My sweat smells like Wild Turkey. I'm really feeling the holiday spirit.
I don't know what's worse. The fact that my biological mother is an unwitting bigamist, or the fact that my half sister is trying to seduce my girlfriend.
The not so cute guy next to me made me play Kid Rock on the jukebox but I'm a big believer in free drinks so I obliged.
You can make out without kissing
Explanation needed
I think my roomie is silently judging me for spraining my foot by having sex in a bounce house
so the bounce house and tequila was good idea then?
Randomize
