so it turns out you can rearrange the letters in "scottsdale" to spell "milf city." who knew?
im so horny i just used my electric toothbrush to masturbate. god help me
After they won there was a guy outside Magee Hospital yelling "name your kid Sidney"... that guy may or may not have been me.
haha my mom just sent us out to go to all of the hair cutting places to ask for hair because deer ate all our zuchini.. and we have to pee in a bucket all day cause deer hate urine. please tell me we are normal?
i cant lie to you.
My family is watching Intervention and taking notes. I need to leave NOW!
The dog just did a longer kegstand than anyone at the party
If she doesnt understand your inherent need to teabag an emo chick, do you really want to be with her?
I can trace it back to that drunken night where we peed on each other in the shower.
Now he's trying to use the tornado warnings as an excuse to get head. Yeah, b/c THAT'S the last taste I want in my mouth b4 I die...
It looks like someone bombed the living room with his and your clothes, bra, packing peanuts, nerf gun and ammo, rc helicopter, leftover chinese food and a leather paddle.
How do I tell a friend I drunkenly broke into his house and may have lost his dog
She has the perfect pussy. Looks like a paper cut with a puff of cotton candy on top.
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
sorry I called you to cry about the state of the neopets economy
I'm not gonna lie. I need sex like plants need water right now. I just need the dick.
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