On a side note I can sing drakes “best I ever had” so good you’d think I was on degrassi.
You have to stop making references to your extense knowledge of 13 year old girl television programming for me to believe you aren’t homo. The Bravo line-up was one thing, but seriously
i guess it wasn't a booty call since he got home from the club at 6:00 am... he told me to consider it morning sex
So my date night ended with us watching porn with his roommate.
My vagina is depressed thinking about her future.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Couldn't get it up. She asked me what she was doing wrong. Didn't have the heart to tell her. I appreciated her willingness to adapt, but she's pretty much gonna look that bad her whole life.
I want to do something romantic. Like gargle champagne before I put your dick in my mouth.
My breasts were aching with rage.
When you are 21 it's acceptable to run out of the tavern and puke all over the bike rack... when you are 35 it's called alcoholism.
I'm going to have to include Angry Orchard in my thesis acknowledgements
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
A picture of a damn cupcake brought back 3 fuckboys
No matter how long you've been away, there's nothing quite like pooping at your parents' house
Curing hangovers with more alcohol was a great idea for the first five days
Everytime I give him head I make him rub my back. Teamwork at it's finest.
Tell me why I woke up with your dads construction shirt on, nothing else, and had jelly donuts with a note from a girl named cathryn that said "we had a kinky night with peanut butter". p.s. Im by the layin by the lawnmower
i let a mormon finger me. i don't ever want to be that drunk again.
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