girl is pretty boring. i'm gonna see if she'll let me finger her.
i officially have more pictures of his dick than pictures of us together
It's my fault there's ramen coiled around his penis.
I couldn't function. I was to the point where I was using a bottle cap as a monocle.
Text me if you also stopped reading harry potter in the 4th grade and wanna go to the bars tonight instead of the midnight premiere
there is a video of me from last night trying to light my breath on fire. that drunk.
dude i should have never cleaned my ears out while high. theres no going back.
The milf did the body paint, come to the bar
Things are very odd on my 29th hour of being awake. Thought there was a bird in my lecture hall and it was just a girl putting up her hair. What even
The picture on Facebook I was just tagged in, with the mask, that is the definition of Carmen, my drunk alter ego
I had mdma, weed, and alcohol in my system. My doctor seems to think that's how I tore my groin.
I told my manager that I would be coming in to work either high from edibles on purpose or tripping on acid by accident so he knows to check my work tomorrow.
He said 'I really struggle with the sin of lust' then we proceeded to have sex. So I guess it was a perfectly executed Catholic pick up line?
So I remember having an orgasm, but I didn't wake up next to anyone. Your dog is afraid of me. Is this a sick joke?
I was so high I forgot how to swallow food, and I just kept thinking "thank god its just mashed potatoes, they'll go down eventually"
Randomize
