...., I just tried brushing my hair wothh a toothbrushg. fail
ps not my toothbrush awkward.
so...dinner was kid's cuisine and a bottle of wine. i think they go well together.
two more shots til everyone in this club gets to see my cesarean scars.
I am the drunkest girl in the tree.
Fact: my bamboo plant has grown 2 & 1/2 inches since I started watering it with bong water
Made a joint out of my Yale rejection letter. Life is grand.
the man who designed bathrooms to have toilets within easy puking distance from the shower is my hero
promise me that when we are 32, we will look nothing like Kim Zolciak. Promise me right this instant.
We were just at different life stages. He wanted to get married and have kids, I wanted to take MDMA and fuck my roommate.
Taking shots of gin by myself out of TMNT glasses and chasing with bites of chocolate cake. AMERICA.
I just found a To Do list on the table, written by me last night, that just says "1. Go downstairs. 2. Get Pickles. 3. Laptop"
Being on probation is a nice change of pace. It's refreshing to wake up and know what I did last night.
As soon as he called me 'darling' in that Scottish accent... my pants just dropped.
Interesting fact: if you wanted to rename a guy Jeff, just tell him you only fuck Jeffs. Magically whatever name he was using is actually his middle name cause he doesn't like going by Jeff.
i almost got into an argument defending my life choices with a guinea pig eating chocolate cake at 4am
Randomize
