Just because i have a masturbation problem doesnt mean you can put 20 photos of Jesus in my room.
no, i swear. she uses a huge jagermeister flag as a sheet on her bed.
im that hungover where parking at red lights has to be done
Well, we broke up and instead of putting my shit out on the curb like a normal person, she fucking donated everything to Goodwill. So now I have to pay two dollars for one of my own t shirts.
He stumbled out of the bathroom with his pants around his ankles yelling "tie my shooes!"
Binging muscle relaxers because when ur 33 you can no longer SHAKE IT LIKE A POLAROID PICTURE for 2hrs w/o consequences. Fuck you, Age.
I'm scrolling through our convo thread and all we talk about is pizza, alcohol & dick with the occasional "I miss you" thrown in.
I'm literally rolling on acid for the first time during Thanksgiving. Help me.
Every text my dad sends me is an AA mantra. Might be time to take a look at my life.
In case I die. I'm in ares truck with a bartender named Dave from chuys. JUST IN CASE. And let the people know my last words were suck my dick. My like literally.
Fuck it. I'm going for it. You're only young once, right?
You've been saying that for 5 years now. Let me know when the novelty wears off.
I made out with 4 out of 4 girls I was out with last night, I'm pretty sure everyone knows I'm a lesbian by now
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
Remember that time we were together? Yeah, I don't miss that.
Very interesting. Let's just say I got home last night and threw up, found a joint in my bra, and woke up naked in my bed
Randomize
