Goodnight my chunky, little, marshmallow muncher
yo - did your mom get a boob job (I think she did)
Are you trying to threaten my boobs?
Showering in the handicapped shower. Im THAT hungover.
All I'm saying is that she needs to invest in some razors. But her head game is great. The pros and cons in last minute hook-ups
What is the appropriate way to inform him that I am TOTALLY down for break up sex?
It just goes to show you, your dreams can come true. You can hook up with your dads hot married friend.
We tried lying really still and being really quiet so that he wouldn't notice us before he left the room. Forgot about the glow in the dark condom.
I feel as though sleeping all day due to the effects of prescription painkillers paid for by union insurance made this the most American day ever for me
I mean he gave me an 'I owe you an orgasm' fist bump
He fell backwards into a full bathtub but didn't spill a single drop of the beer in his hand. What a pro.
All I have in my new place is coke and a treadmill.. it's workout Wednesday
Wake up. Finish House of Cards. Put on pants.
Accurate.
The only reason I know his name is because we wrote marriage vows in orange crayon on the back of a Walmart receipt.
You know you've found a good drug dealer when he's willing to overnight mail to you in another state...
Randomize
