I want to buy you liquor! I want to kiss your face.
Did you go home with that guy without me?
Sorry boo - it's pouring and I found a boy with a car
Don't come here someone got drunk and rolled the keg to buger king. no more beeer
on the last problem of the exam i just drew a picture of a cat and left
what is the aproppriate waiting time between having sex and playing super Mario brothers
6 min
I can't try on my wedding dress because someone is trying to commit suicide in the store. Is this a sign?
Um I just overheard that the new guy spent a month in jail. Obvi another great hire.
He just reenacted his orgasm in front of my roommates....using a squeeze bottle of mayonnaise.
he does have a point though, watching you drink makes me never want to drink again
I did sing regulators with a random black dude at The Rail without looking at the screen, hugged him and walked off stage. I pretty much live up to all expectations.
Nick is about to bring home a woman who is 39, a mother, and, by all accounts, FUCKING HOMELESS. Will update as details become available.
All I know is you walked out of the kitchen in some kind of French onion dip bra and started passing out individual chips to guys saying " do you dip?"
no body wants to do anything today cause it's too cold, but a guy can only masturbate so many times a day. Ya know
Woke up in a fanny pack with a bag of cocaine on my cheek
The playlist was "songs to sing in the shower". I literally got fucked to Footloose.
Randomize
